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Satanic Rites 1
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Satanic Rites - Issue 1 (1992-05-17)(Destiny).adf
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1992-05-01
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Teletext Guide
By Ken D.
There are millions of
teletext-equipped TVs in Britain, but
few people seem to use the full range
of pages. Here's a rough guide of
some of the features.
There are two main services - CEEFAX
(see facts ...) on BBC1 and BBC2, and
ORACLE on ITV and C4.
CEEFAX contains 6 different sections;
News ({6P100-199{7), City Finance
({6P200-299{7, BBC2 only), Sport
({6P300-399{7), Breakfast
service/Weekend Columns
({6P400-499{7), Weather and Travel
({6P500-599{7, BBC1 only), and TV &
Radio ({6P600-699{7).
CEEFAX news is probably as in-depth as
you'll get. It has sub-sections on
Parliament, Politics and World News,
as well as "Headline" stories. It is
regularly updated, and usually carries
some sort of in-depth analysis of a
top story. If you want to find out
what's going on, and you haven't got
an Astra dish, look up CEEFAX.
City Finance is great for those
business types with stocks and shares.
(or those who have money in LARD like
Torch! -Ed!) There are stock market
headlines and stories, and there are
regular updates on the stock exchange
and the FTSE.
Sport on CEEFAX is excellant, with
results of all sports. The latest
score to any soccer game can be
obtained, along with league tables and
forthcoming fixtures.
P400-499 are a bit of an oddity. They
only appear before 9 in the morning,
and at the weekend, when they have
religious crap and shit like that.
Pete Waterman (of S/A/W fame) used to
write a column there, but it hasen't
been seen for ages.
The Weather and Travel pages are fine
if you want to know which ferries are
on and which roads are free, but for
weather forget it. The forcasts are
so vague, it's impossible to deduce
exactly what the weathers going to be
like. Stick with Micheal Fish.
The TV & Radio pages are pretty well
stocked, with previews, forthcoming
film reviews and contact adresses as
well as TV & Radio listings. Forget
trying to find out what's on ITV,
though. The ITV regions are split up,
and listed alphabetically. By the
time you've found your program, it'll
have ended...
The main trouble with CEEFAX is that
it's so damn slow. You can easily
wait a minute for a page to appear,
and that's on a good day. CEEFAX
offers no readers pages, being a
purely fact-based service.
ORACLE, ITVs rival to CEEFAX, is a
different kettle of fish altogether.
Rather than 6 main sections, it has
several small sections, crammed into
300 pages on ITV, and 300 on C4. For
example:-
News ({6P101-118{7) from ITN. Not a
patch on CEEFAX's; no analysis, no
background, just the headlines and
major stories. Fine for a quick
update, but for detail, switch to
CEEFAX.
Live at Five ({6P120-129{7). Oh dear.
This is the equivilent of a womans
magazine, with letters page, horoscope
(from Russel Grant - barf), puzzle
page, crossword, and even a problem
page (usually containing a letter
about piles). It's updated every day,
at 5pm (hence the name). Read the
problem page for a laugh, otherwise,
forget it.
Sport ({6P130-160{7). Good coverage
in a small area. Again, not as
in-depth as CEEFAX, but up-to-date.
{6P200-249 {7are produced by the
regional television company, and so
contain local information. This
includes a useful Cinema Guide (see
what's on at the flicks). The TV
guides are on {6P210-219{7, and are
brilliant. As this section is again
produced by the regional ITV company,
the guide always contain the correct
programs for your region. Beats
CEEFAX hands down!
{6P250-259 {7is a section called
RSVP:Tv, and predictabaly, it's all
about TV. It has a news page, and
features page, and letters page (full
of complains about censorship,
usually), TV charts, previews and film
reviews. This sections is usually
guide entertaining, with plenty of
gossip in the news section. It's
updated every day.
{6P300-399{7 are all holiday adverts.
If you've got the money, and are
looking for a holiday, look here.
{3C4's {5pages contain even more ...
{7
{6P401-499 {7are run by a seperate
company, {44-Tel{5 (ho ho). {7It's
all about C4 programs, and the
coverage is here is absolutely
brilliant. Almost EVERY program
that's on C4 carries a seperate page,
describing the program. What's more,
{6P419 {7contains details of the
program that's on at that moment.
Every switched on, and thought "What
the fuck is this?". Dial {6P419{7,
and find out!
{6P540-549{7 are the music pages, Beat
Box. This is a daily updated section,
and is excellent for keeping
up-to-date with the music sections.
There is a news & gossip page, a
lively letters page, reviews of
singles and albums (usually written by
arsehole Jon Homer), a readers review
page, a specialised page that changes
each day, charts (network),
competition, and the fastest gig guide
available.
{6P560-569{7 is {2Buzz{7, a daily
teenage magazine (updated at {44pm{7).
Some of the things in this section are
quite good, such as the {5Letters
{7page (most of the messages are
phoned in). The good news is that
there is a computer section, }1FX.
{7The bad news is that it's the worst
ever. Starting with the {4Gallup
chart{7, it then reviews a game,
getting the verdict totally wrong.
Then we get a bit of months-old news
e.g.{5 Robocop 3 {7has an
impossible-to-crack dongle protection
system (!). Then comes the final bit
- the {3tips{7. Oh dear. They're
wrong, they're old, they've all been
seen before.
After 9pm, {6P568 {7contains Debbie's
Diary. This is supposedly 3 pages
from a 15-year-old girls diary, every
night. It is pretty hopeless - it
used to be on from 4pm, but parents
complained when words like "willy" and
"virgin" appeared on their screen, so
the ITC restricted it. Every other
week, Debbies brother, Josh takes
over, and we get the slaverings of a
13-year-old pervert. Read it if you
get a chance, it's a laugh (though not
always intentionally...)
{6P620-629 {7are the Reviews. This is
news and reviews of the latest film
releases, as well as videos (rental
and retail). There is also books and
thearter, if that's your thing.
C4 pages include other sections,
ranging from religious comments and
knitting columns to racing and
financial news (not as good as
CEEFAX's, though).e
The main advantage with ORACLES ITV
and C4 pages is that everythings much
quicker. Pages appear in half the
time it takes CEEFAX to get them on
screen. ORACLE also makes much better
use of the FASTEXT system, when four
coloured "signposts" appear at the
bottom of the screen. Pressing the
corresponding coloured button on the
keypad takes you to the designated
place, saving time.
So in general, if you want a fast
update on TV schedules or the news, or
fancy reading much more "magaziney"
type pages, try ITV & C4. On the
other hand, if you only want facts,
use CEEFAX. It's slower, but
superior.
P.S. A small tip for Astra satellite
owners. If Sky News isn't enough for
you, you can now pick up CNN
International. It's on channel 28
(for Amstrad owners, anyway), around
1623. It's bloody brilliant!
(If you can't be bothered to read the
Diary pages or don't have teletext,
don't despair! Good old Tanty has
typed them out for you because we're
so short of articles this issue!
They're on the next page! And, going
over to satellite: CNN have been
transmitting on Astra for only a few
weeks now. If you've buggered around
with your Amstrad receiver (been
clever by putting Sky One on channel 1
etc.) then you probably won't have it.
Tune your receiver to 1621Ghz and
select vertical polorisation. -Ed)